The following post may blow your boredom filters. I share it for one reason — well, two. First, and the primary reason I share it: It shows an organic process at work. It’s the grungiest and grimiest sausage factory I’ve been into in a long while, but it was surprisingly fun. Most of you may realize I began this year’s NaNo with two things in mind — the title (30 Days to Regularity) and a need to write regularly to a total of 50,000 words by November 30th. Everything else? I took it on faith. The brief excerpt posted at the the beginning of last month is contained in this longer excerpt. I began my One Pass Revision on Saturday. This piece has absolutely nothing to do with the final product from NaNo and will be deleted, but it was an essential process for me to get to the product. My technique? Free association of ideas while listening to music. I’m sure many of you can pick out the soundtrack I was listening to while writing this section.

My second reason for posting? While re-reading it, I wondered what other people would find in the passage. Would they find anything interesting? Thought-provoking? Slit-yer-wrists-get-me-out-of-here boring? Yada-yada, so what? Here it is. Pages 5-8 of Day One of NaNo writing (uncorrected first draft — I remember at least two typos from reading this morning — there are more, but at least one of them was an interesting switch on words — see if you can find it. Horse references are to the K. T. Tunstall song “Big Black Horse and A Cherry Tree”):

Hey, Baby. I think I got this thing down. Hey. That’s what the boys say. I got no doubt about that. Nothing shady here — even if we are shadows in the moonlight dancing in the dark. Seems to me life is a song title. But what the heck does the horse have to do with it? Here horsey. Here horsey. That dude looks like a lady. Who ever suggested it might be a big black horse? ‘Cause, hey, that dude looks like a lady. Ain’t no doubt ’bout that.

World peace? Whirled peas? What’s the connection? Does anyone care? Is it more than a pithy bumper sticker phrase? Should it be? Does anyone other than babies and their parental units give a hang about whirled peas? Yep. Absolutely. Gerber and other baby food manufacturers give more than a rat’s ass — some of the will even sell you the rat’s ass if you don’t watch them closely.

After navigating the world of whirled peas, growing into rebels without a clue seems only natural. Of course, the only way to get a clue is to stumble around without one until you figure out what words. They call that learning. If you do it on your own, it’s called the School of Hard Knocks. If you pay a lot of money, that somehow makes you smarter and more marketable to baby food companies. I guess that’s just the cycle remains unbroken. Heaven forbid someone should point out that life is just one big chain letter, and if we don’t continue passing it on that the chain will be broken and everything we’ve ever worked for will come tumbling down. Which means we’re all just Humpty Dumpty. And, no. Sometimes all the king’s horses (there’s those horses again) and all the king’s men just can’t put us all back together again. Sometimes they know enough to know it isn’t even worth it to try – yet we want to make a good impression so we, I mean all the king’s horses and all the king’s men do try. We at least make a show of it. Because the cherry blossoms are so beautiful in the spring. And isn’t that just a symbol of how life renews each year?

No, we didn’t start the fire. It’s always been burning since the world’s been turning. That doesn’t stop us from trying to fight it. As much as me try to maintain a heart of stone, it just doesn’t work. But I’m pouring it on in that hot rod Lincoln. And, much as I want to do something else, I’m sitting on go waiting for the best days of my life. They’re ahead of me. No wait! They’re back then, working at the drive-in. But, really, what was good about the drive-in? I learned a lot there, and got good benefits from the experience. Nothing was more valuable than the lesson that there’s always something to do. Times are changing, but that is one constant. There’s always more to do. When you think you’ve done everything, wipe down that counter one more time.

I’ve always tried to keep my options open, but at what point in life do the doors really start closing faster than they remain open? What doors don’t open until later in life? I read stories and find relationships and situations that point to a happy ending, but as much as I can wistfully long for that happily ever after, Real Life ™ has other plans. So much for pretending. Bryan White has that one right. I’m redefining what a happy ending is, and it’s diverging from the road taken. I’m eagerly engaging a searching for the next fork in the road and seeking the opportunity to take the road not well traveled. Frost had that one right — the road less traveled makes all the difference. I’ve traveled a road more traveled to enable me to pursue the road less traveled. I hope I get the chance. As I get older, I realize more and more that windows of opportunity close more rapidly. Opportunity knocks on doors too far away to reach. Would it have been wiser to take the road less traveled in my youth? Some might argue that I did take the road less traveled then, and that has made all the difference. I couldn’t argue with that assessment either. I’ve just been on that road for 26 years, and it feels the like the road more traveled at this point. Do we always realize the path we’re on is the one less traveled? In my case, it seemed like the path of least resistance. It provided several branches with many wandering paths along the way. Some have provided gorgeous views. Others have led me through swamps where the alligators were my closest ally. And we weren’t friends.

I chose a non-traditional path. I long for some traditionality now. I sometimes think about “what might have been.” But I never think about it enough to wish I’d done things differently. I can’t really imagine a different path. The path I’ve chosen has been, for the most part, the right one for me. But I see the crossroads ahead. I can’t quite see how many roads intersect. I’m pretty sure I don’t want the superhighway or even the two-lane paved road. I’m buying a four-by-four. I think that means I’m ready to diverge from the beaten path. But I don’t want to be too uncomfortable. I’ve grown spoiled through the years. I did the roughing it thing back when such things were romantic. No more. I want the path less traveled, but I want my amenities. I’ll pass on the MTV, but high-speed internet access is non-negotiable. No second hand news for me. But sometimes I just can’t get enough.

I want to live the songs of Fleetwood Mac, the Eagles, and other classic rock bands. And even if there’s no love in Tennessee, I want it for me. I shouldn’t have to “take it like a man” but I don’t want to “take it like a woman.” I like the opportunities I’ve had with my life, but I don’t relate to my gender. I’m not a man, and I guess I don’t really want to be one. But I grew up being ashamed of the stereotypical woman — the one who didn’t know how to change a tire or even read her tire pressure; the one who squealed when she saw a worm or a mouse; or the kind who burst into tears to get her way.

So that’s it. If you’ve made it this far, how and why? If you write organically, what’s your process like? There’s a certain amount of navel gazing. In my process for brainstorming Threads & Ties, there was some of that, too, but not as much as you see here. Have I wasted your time, or was there any value in sharing this with you? If you found value, please share.