Author Archives: Jean

39 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

The cabinet and sink replacement project is complete at Crockett. We have a full-size double-bowl sink and a usable cabinet space in the kitchen. The hall bathroom sink has a vanity. The waiting area bathroom has an upscale utility sink. The only piece remaining on that project is adding hot water to both bathrooms.

The ’46 Coupe went to its new home this month. This is it loading onto the trailer.

The Spyder stranded me in Hearne this month. It appears the original problem was loose battery connections, but now it seems to be royally messed up electrically. I trailered it down to Georgetown, and they replaced the battery. It brought me home okay, so I hope this issue is resolved.

I completed my first mineral rights royalty deal this month.

We had a heavy rainstorm this month and found the areas on the auction barn gutters where things leak. I think that has been resolved, but it will take another rainstorm to see.

The El Camino tailgate and a few pieces of trim went to their new home this month. The Jeep components are scheduled to go to their new home on the 30th.To help facilitate removal of the 1950 Jeep from the shop, I brought the patio furniture home.

The Starlink Mini has arrived, and I installed it at the shop. The shop and the auction barn (formerly the detail shop) have internet access now. The Mini is intended for lower usage, which is what I anticipate will happen at the shop. I’ve put a couple of Ring cameras on it for now.

I had a “good day” two days ago. I realized I was content in that day. Maybe, someday, I’ll be able to string a few of those days together, because, frankly, it felt good.

 

38 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

This has been an odd month for me. I’m feeling generally positive. Despite that, something is still off. I’m struggling to focus and pull together a plan of action. I can force myself to do things that simply must be done. I can be somewhat reactive to tasks, but I struggle to formulate a cohesive plan of action to execute.

I still have the Coupe listed on Facebook Marketplace. I had one person from Brenham come look at it, but he decided to pass — he was interested in yard art, and I think it might work for something better than that. I also listed the chain link and gate in the green space. I’ve had inquiries, but nobody has come to look or purchase the full bundle yet. Yesterday, someone just wanted a section of chain link, and I sold him that.

I’m still waiting for quotes for several projects I need someone to do — sewer line replacement at Crockett and the upstairs back bathroom completion at the house on the most pressing. When the time is right, the contractor will appear. New cabinets and sinks have been installed at Crockett. We finally have a full-size double basin sink in the kitchen. We have a utility sink in the waiting room, and the sink and vanity that were in there have been installed in the hallway bathroom.

I sold two clarinets at the end of May. My sister wants the third one. That leaves about 25 more instruments to find homes for. I’m not rushing that process.

I’m watching the Outlander series for the second time. I’m in Season 5. Brianna is making a paper airplane to commemorate their first anniversary and saying she wants their marriage to grow strong. I’m reminded that as a couple who has time traveled from the 20th Century to the 18th Century, they have a common frame of reference other people around them don’t share. I lost a 38-year common frame of reference three years ago, and I’m too late in my life to meet and establish that again. It’s one of the things I mourn.

I continue to breathe, because someday, I’ll be glad I did.

37 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

I made it through the three-year mark with little difficulty. A friend reminded me it’s easier if I don’t dwell on things, and, of course, that is true. Anticipation was worse than reality, and that’s pretty much true for most situations. In addition to all the other things I’m juggling (or telling myself I should be juggling), I’ve been dipping my toes back into the photography waters. The last time I was remotely serious about photography, film was the only affordable medium. In 2011, I bought a Fujifilm FinePix 550 compact camera. It had some nice features (and, frankly, is still a fairly decent compact digital camera). But I’ll be doing some traveling later this year, and I think an upgraded camera is in order for that adventure (just as the Finepix was purchased for planned travel in 2011).

A Nikon Z6 III with three lenses has joined the stable. I’m not sure I made the right choice for the three lenses, but time will tell. I had to get a sturdier tripod and a camera bag.

I listed the 1946 Coupe on Facebook Marketplace and have received more responses than the Hemmings’ ad generated. Nobody has stepped forward with cash yet, but we’ll see where this goes. The Coupe is closest to the door. Once it’s gone, I can work on the next step for this.

I’m trying to focus on practicing this quote found on Facebook in the Gratitude Zone: “Life has a particular beauty that only becomes visible when you stop looking for something better. When you set down the version of your life you were supposed to have and pick up the one that you actually have and carry it, not as a consolation prize, but as the exact and specific gift it always was.”

I also remind myself that I keep breathing, because someday, I’ll be glad I did.

36 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

I made it through Alan’s birthday okay. I put my phone on “Do Not Disturb” and locked myself in my office for the day. I did some photography work in the studio, and relaxed. I took a nap. And it felt like just another day. I certainly acknowledged that Alan would have been 89, but I was also grateful he passed while he was still able to live on his own terms.

I’ve been feeling a shift taking place. I feel as if I’m moving into a place of acceptance. It is what it is, and I am what I am. I have stuff to do, and I’ll keep doing it. Yes, I have things I’m trying to figure out, but that’s just life. In due time, I’ll figure things out, do what needs to be done, and move on.

And just as soon as I feel that shift, it slips out of place, and I’m back in despair mode. I can’t seem to shift this gear.

Despite “shifting” challenges, I believe I am making progress in answering the question about what my new life is meant to be. As far as I can tell, no dramatic shifts. I’m not a radically different person. Before I retired, I got up, went to work, came home, talked to Alan on the phone, went to bed, and got up the next day and did the same thing all over again. I was generally at work or home, and the only social life was a required work function. I was actively writing fiction in the evening and on weekends. Sometimes I would take the laptop to Panera and work there.

That’s pretty much my life now, minus phone calls from Alan. That’s more significant than it sounds. It’s doable. It’s me. It is what it is.

The burning question is, “How do I honor his desire to sell the 46 Mercurys and their parts?” A year of Hemming’s advertising resulted in nothing. I don’t believe the desire to sell everything as a package is going to fly. I contacted parts dealers last week. One looked promising, but I’d be surprised if anything positive came out of the effort. It’s a place to start. I’m still contemplating the next steps in this area.

A final note for this month, my perception of time has changed. Whenever I’m thinking about when something happened, I evaluate if it happened while Alan was still alive or since he has passed. It’s a mental process I’ve noticed in the last several months. I guess it could be called With Alan or After Alan.

 

35 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

Next month will be three years. I’m in an odd place in my grief. I’m not happy with how things are progressing, but there’s nothing really wrong. I generally think I’ve handled my grief well, continuing to function, and getting so very many things completed. Trying to find the source … Continue reading →

34 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

Shortly after my last post, winter appeared in Central Texas. Rain, cold, freezing rain, and just a little snow to cover the ice from the freezing rain. Most people seemed to take preparation seriously. The house and other properties did okay. Water stayed on at the shop and the auction … Continue reading →

33 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

Christmas. I’m stuck on how it hasn’t been three years since Alan’s death, and Christmas 2023 to Christmas 2025 is two years, yet somehow, it’s my third Christmas without Alan. Christmas 2023 was one, Christmas 2024 was two, and Christmas 2025 was three. Numbers can be funny things. I received … Continue reading →

32 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

The motorcycle trip went well. I had lovely weather. The trailer and I aren’t best friends yet, but we’re making progress. It’s time to return my focus to rehoming things I no longer need. Here are a few photos from the trip, starting with just before I left the driveway: … Continue reading →

31 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

Bobbi decided to step out of the house for a few days — on the very two days we got vicious rainstorms, but she was perfectly happy under the house. Thankfully, she allowed me to catch her after two days, and she’s back in the house now. The Time Out … Continue reading →

30 Months

Philosophical Meanderings, Too Posted on by

I sometimes think I should begin stepping away from updating the blog. Does doing the updates keep me in the grief cycle, or am I still able to move forward? And my recent thoughts carry the answer to that question, I think. The 22nd used to ALWAYS be a bad … Continue reading →