I always struggle with a balance between setting specific goals and floating with my own natural unfolding. The two are probably quite separate, ultimately speaking (if there is such a thing), as my conscious mind tends to function according to self-images that are very socially oriented, vs. my “subconscious self” that is super-subjective.

Success, I seem to remember you writing, is measured by how many people ask you for advice. You said, according to this definition, you were very successful… but I detected a hint of sarcasm—as if this wasn’t your real measure of success. Everyone has their own definition of success. It’s whatever makes you feel especially expansive. (I say that as if it’s an objective definition, which, of course, satisfactorily contradicts my immediately previous statement).

I wouldn’t say that I was particularly successful in terms of my positioning in the social organism—nor were my moments fantastically significant. But in a more self-accepting sense I moved towards a fuller realization of both these poles.

I did accomplish something that I have been meaning to accomplish for a long time, that was difficult for me, and that was really quite small, but at the same time, really quite significant. One of my favorite quotes, which is to say, one that is most important for me to apply meaningfully, is Carl Sagan’s: “Small steps Ellie. Small Steps.” I also consider that we often overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a decade. I made some important small steps. In a decade they’ll avalanche. Compound interest. Butterfly effect. Exponential increase. Etc.

I’ve also discovered something that is very important for me, and which I mention because it has to do with New Years Resolutions, turning over new loafs and getting the leaves to rise, or whatever… A personal constitution. But, like I said in the beginning of this post, there has to be a subtle balance between specificity and flexibility. I look to the successes and failures of the U.S. constitution, somewhat, in this regard. What I want is something that is changeable, yet stable. Something that is always followed, because in fact it is simply me at this moment distilled into words as best as I can. Something that will always be with me and that will help me accomplish my goals while not doing injustice to my moment to moment intelligence. It’s a work in progress—and importantly, always will be (for, it is a mirror of me).

I actually think of this constitution as an operating system, more than a constitution. And it’s less an inventing of a Human Operating System as an uncovering of a Mythical Operating System. Hence, some of my sausage grinding. I call it the MOS. Read Jung’s Symbols of Transformation in this regard.

Anywho, I’m getting off 16 hours of work, here, and am excited to get home and finally reap the rewards of a long stretch of moments dedicated to money dedicated to the acquisition of items dedicated to further catalyzing my process of self-unfoldment. I’m just a flower growing roots into the soil so that I may bloom (again).