For today, Day 4 of the Thirty Days of Me Challenge, I’m supposed to talk about a habit I wish I didn’t have. If only there weren’t so many to choose from. I could go for the low hanging fruit and wish I didn’t eat so many chips or so much chocolate. I could say I spend too much time on the computer and the internet. I could say I’m too prone to thinking the worst of someone, then feeling guilty about it and essentially giving them a free pass. Or, maybe, it’s talking badly about myself.

Those are too easy. And, except for the last two, I don’t think they’re really habits I seriously wish I didn’t have. Because, if I didn’t want to have them, I don’t think I would. And that last one is a symptom of the habit I’m going to talk about today. Stubbornness.

Yes. That. You can’t tell me anything. Sure, if I don’t know you well, I’ll be polite and pretend to listen. But, if I do know you well, my hackles go up, and I get pretty defensive. You, see, if you’re offering a suggestion, it must mean you think I’m doing it wrong or maybe I’m just too stupid to live (and competency is very important to me). And sometimes, your method is better, and I’ll usually come around to acknowledging that. And, yes, sometimes (but not often, I don’t think), I’ve done something that might indicate I’m too stupid to live, but, thankfully, God still has plans for me, because in spite of that, I’m still here.

But I want to do it myself. And I resist efforts to help and, unless I know I don’t know, most efforts to offer suggestion. If I know I don’t know, I love for someone to show me when I want to know something (because competency is important to me).

The problem is, sometimes, I would have been a lot wiser to listen to suggestions or accept offers of assistance. I became aware of this almost twenty years ago, and I have made a concerted effort to say, “I’d like to think about that” or “Would you tell more more about that?” instead of “No. Thank you.” Because, when I think about “that” or get more information about “that,” I often realize “that” would have been a good thing. But I lost the chance because I said, “No. Thank you.” I think part of this response can be traced to my Introvert tendencies and needing time to process information before being able to come to a wise conclusion about it. Alas, real life doesn’t have time to wait for the Introvert to process information. Real life demands answers. Now. And if I have to give an answer NOW, it’s going to be some version of NO.

Are you following along with anyone else doing this challenge? You can find Tammy, Tina, Krista, and Kat at these links.