I suppose many of you know animal fathers don’t always play a role in their children’s lives.  For instance, polar bears mate, then the mama bear goes off and eats.  If she manages to gain enough weight for her body to support the pregnancy and her confinement in a snow cave, her embryos will embed in the wall of her uterus, and she’ll carry the cubs to term.  Once the cubs are large enough to go with her outside the den, she’ll seek nourishment and raise her cubs on her own, never seeing the father unless at some later date two or three years down the road they happen to mate again.  In fact, if he started nosing around, she’d chase him away right quick.

For various reasons — I could probably speculate for days — American culture seems to be heading in that direction.  At one time, we defined a family as a father, a mother, and 2.4 kids (to call upon the stereotype).  Of course, there have always been variations of that “norm.”  Parents died or left.  Sometimes they just weren’t fit parents, so grandparents stepped in on behalf of the children.  Or aunts, uncles, or siblings filled the void.  Yes, there were even blended families due to remarriage for whatever reason.  And, yes, I suspect there were also two mommy or two daddy families through the ages.  But society recognized a norm and encouraged it through various means.

I’m not here to discuss whether that is right or wrong.  I would like to observe we seem to have embarked upon functional fatherlessness — for whatever reason.  This is where women, usually single — never married, divorced, separated, or widowed — are raising children on their own.  A man may be involved who may or may not be the child(ren)’s father, but the woman has legal responsibility for carrying out the functions of both parents.

This changes our society in fundamental ways.  Again, I’m not saying they are necessarily bad ways, but things are different.  For instance, we have historically been a patriarchal society — male head of household with children bearing his last name.  Today, women head the household, and oftentimes her children have her last name.

This may not seem like much, but women are the role models in our homes.  Women are the strong players in a child’s life.  Increasingly, men have  no role in our society except to father children and disappear.  They aren’t needed and often aren’t wanted for financial support or an emotional role in their children’s lives (or, they refuse to play that role).  They have no need to contribute to society.  We seem to have gone overboard in making sure everyone but the male (white males, specifically, but males in general) have equal opportunity to the point where males are discriminated against.

I’ve read critiques that young males have no reason to grow up, so they engage in an extended adolescence, playing video games and hanging out well into their late twenties.  By that time, they are stuck on the lower rungs of the career ladder.  Women who have matured and are leading responsible lives or are attempting to do so see these men who are stunted in their adult development, and they want nothing to do with them, perpetuating a tough situation for family development.

Do we want our children to be functionally fatherless?  What, if anything, do we need to do to make sure both parents are actively engaged in a child’s life — and they are worthy of that child?