(Note, this is a long post, but it’s a parody on several things.  I hope you enjoy it.)

“Shari, why do we just sit around here gabbing all the time and never doing anything?”

Shari picked up her coffee cup and threw it across the room, “That’s easy, Wanda. We have a wimpy writer who is afraid if she lets us get up and move around that we’ll engage in conflict, and she hates conflict at all costs.”

Wanda raised her eyebrows in devilish delight, “Is that so?” She picked up the fork beside her plate, and gauging it carefully, sent it soaring toward the ceiling. “Yup. I can still stick ’em in the ceiling with the best of ’em. Remember that time our senior year when I spelled out “Seniors Rule” in the cafeteria ceiling that day at lunch?”

“I do. And nobody ratted out on you either.”

Wanda grinned, “That was the amazing part.”

Shari slid open the end table drawer and pulled out a small tube of something. “Watch this!” She removed the cap from the tube, lifted table legs, and spread a small amount of the substance before pressing down on the table.”

“Oh! Super Glue! Gimme!” Wanda was all over this prank. The book on her end table was quickly stuck to the table top, and she was looking around for something else within reach.”

Shari cautioned, “Don’t forget, we can’t leave the sofa. It might cause conflict.”

“Ohhh. We can’t have conflict! Not in this innocent little missive.”

Wanda placed her index finger on her chin, thinking, “Mild-mannered Shari and Wanda, sharing a coffee and some snacks. What could possibly go wrong?”

Shari began whistling an off-key tune that didn’t resemble anything anyone had ever heard before, repeating, “What could possibly go wrong? Oh, dear.” She picked up the table lamp and heaved it toward the glass picture window. “Take that, Dear Author! Figure out how that happened at your unassuming little afternoon tea party.”

Wanda brightened, “Did you say, ‘party?'”

Shari giggled, “I did!”

“Now, why didn’t I think of that.” Wanda whipped out her smart phone and composed a quick text, sending it to nearly everyone in her address book. Glancing at Shari, she said, “We won’t have to set foot off these couches. Our party is on it’s way. ”

“But Dear Author locked the door when she left this morning.”

“Shari, Shari, Shari.” Wanda pointed at the hole in the plate glass window. “They can come in there.”

“Through the window? That’s ingenious. They’ll need something to protect them from the glass as they climb in.” Shari began to search the room for something suitable. She pointed, “There. That afghan should help, once they clear the debris away.”

“Oh, yes,” Wanda agreed, “Dear Author’s favorite aunt made that for her.”

“Before she passed away last year,” Shari amended.

“Even better. How do we get it to where they can reach it when they arrive?”

“You know, technically, only one person needs to climb though the window.” Shari said, “Dear Author didn’t use the deadbolt today before she left.”

“Her loss,” Wanda was distracted as she gauged whether a couch cushion could be thrown with enough force to go through the broken plate glass window. As she was preparing to hurl it, the doorbell rang. She double-checked to make sure nobody was in front of the window, and let the cushion fly. It crashed through the glass, landing on the hedge outside the window.

Alex poked his head in the window, “Some people just answer the door.”

“We can’t, it’s locked, and we have to stay on the couch.” Shari called out.

Wanda said, “Yeah, climb through the window and unlock to door. Bob should be here any minute now.”

Alex eyed the window, gauging the safety factors involved. Picking up the couch cushion, he put the side with glass embedded in it onto the window sill, jumped up, and rolled over the sill into the living room, nicking his elbow in the process. Clasping his hand to his elbow, he stood up and walked to the door to unlock it and pull it open allowing Bob, who’d just walked up with the barbecue to enter. Alex wandered off to the kitchen to treat his bleeding elbow. Bob tossed the barbecue onto the coffee table, saying, “You said there was a party?”

Cindy poked her head inside the door, “Hey, is this where the party is?”

Shari shouted, “Yeah, come on in. Bring your stuff and set it up.”

“Well, that’s easy! I brought the candy.” Cindy headed to the kitchen to get some bowls out of the cupboard and proceeded to place several bowls of candy around the house for party goers to grab at their leisure.”

Shari checked her phone, “Doug should be here any second,”

“What’s he bringing?” Wanda asked.

“Donuts, of course.”

“Naturally. What about Erica? Edam cheese?”

“Oh, Wanda, you’re so silly. Erica brings the Everclear.”

“Of course.” Wanda slapped her forehead, “That’s sure to ratchet up the conflict.”

Alex poked his head back in the room, “Hey, Feliz called. He can’t bring the French Fries this time.

He’s bringing the firearms instead.”

Shari looked and Wanda. Wanda looked back at Shari before saying, “Uh, do we want that much conflict?”

Shari shook her head, “No.” She began furiously texting, then punched the button to call Feliz. Impatiently, she waited for him to answer before shouting, “No, Feliz. No firearms. If you can’t bring French fries for the barbecue, just bring Fritos.” She paused. “Yes. Fritos.” She waited again before emphatically stating, “No. Absolutely no firearms.”

Wanda was fanning her face, “There’s Giorgio.”

Shari looked up. “Damn. I forgot I had him in my address book.” Then her jaw dropped, “He came! Oh, my. This is going to be one frustrating party. What did he bring.”

“Oh, who cares! He brought Giorgio.” Wanda dismissed Shari’s query, continuing to fan herself as if she’d become overheated.

“Hi!”

Shari tore her attention away from Wanda to discover Henrietta and Imogene had arrived — the HI sisters. One never went anywhere without the other, and they always timed their greeting so they said “hi” simultaneously. Shari had tired of it years ago, but they lived next door to her mother, so she could never be as rude as she would have liked to be. “Hi, girls. Come on in.”

“We brought the Hellman’s and the Ivories.”

Wanda, puzzled until she saw that Imogene carried a portable piano keyboard in her hands. “Great, we need to some tunes. Good thinking!”

“Where do you want me to set up?”

Shari pointed to the space beside the fireplace, “Will that work?”

“Sure.” Imogene strode across the room and began preparing her keyboard just in time for June to pop her head up at the window.

She asked, “Hey! Is everything okay here? I see the front door wide open and the picture window is broken.”

Shari called from the couch, “Everything’s fine. Come on in — use the door if you like. ”

“Cool.” June poked her head into the living room on her way by, “I brought the java. I’m going to get it going in the kitchen. You two want a cup when it’s ready?”

“Sure do,” Wanda called out. To Shari she said, “This is just like Christmas only better!”

Ken and Lynda arrived with their famous Karaoke and Lindy Hop act. Well, maybe not so famous to Shari since that last time she tried the lindy hop, she twisted her ankle. But, as long as she had to stay on the couch, maybe other people would twist their ankles while singing incredibly badly. Were her earplugs within reach? She hoped so. “Hi, Ken. Hi Lynda. Why don’t you set that up in the back yard? People will have room to participate out there?”

“Oh, Dear God; it’s Mavis!”

“What, Wanda? Did you say Mavis? I thought I’d deleted her from my phone. Last time she brought that typing teacher software and claimed it was her concoction. Unbelievable. What did she bring today?”

Mavis burst into the room carrying a crock pot. “I heard that! I brought Matzoh Balls! I’ll just put them in the kitchen with the rest of the food.”

“Thanks, Mavis.” Shari glanced at Wanda as if to say, ‘What will she think of next?’ before saying, “Oh heavens. Here comes Nasty Noel. Any guesses what he’ll bring today.”

Wanda was already shaking her head, “I don’t even want to know.”

Shari decided to head him off at the pass, “Hi, Noel. Take whatever nasty videos you have upstairs. We don’t want to know.”

Noel feigned pain, “I brought my Dirty Jobs Discovery series videos. You can’t possibly find those offensive.”

Shari’s interest piqued, but she couldn’t do anything about it, “Okay. That sounds cool, but upstairs is still the only place available.”

Noel bounded up the stairs, bumping into Henrietta on her way down.

Wanda looked up from filing her nails, “Shouldn’t Oscar be getting here about now?”

Shari glanced down at her phone screen, “Oscar, Pamela, and Queenie. You know they never go anywhere without Queenie.”

Wanda groaned, “Not Queenie!”

In response, they heard the clattering of nails on the entry hall floor and the biggest, ugliest dog Wanda had ever seen bounded into the living room and dove for her lap, burrowing her nose in Wanda’s armpit. Armed only with the nail file (and she had been tempted to use it), Wanda could only hug Queenie and hold her close, trying in vain to contain the wiggling.

Pamela entered the room looking apologetic, “I’m sorry Wanda. She seems to think she’s a Yorkie instead of…” At a loss for Words, Pamela gestured to her dog.

Wanda shook her head, “Well the Yorkie part of her must be in her brain. The rest of her is all Great Dane, and Great Pyrenees. What did you guys bring?”

Pamela whispered, “Oscar’s famous fried octopus and my pumpkin pie. Queenie brought her quadraphonic sound system.”

Shari’s eyes widened in disbelief, “Queenie has a quadraphonic sound system?”

Pamela grinned, “Wellllll. It’s really Oscar’s, but don’t tell her.”

Wanda shifted to try to get one of Queenie’s bony elbows out of her side, and Queenie rolled onto her back to demand Wanda rub her tummy, which Wanda immediately proceeded to do.
Pamela looked down at Wanda and Queenie, “Well, it looks like she’s going to keep you occupied. Don’t let her put your legs to sleep. I’m going to put this stuff in the kitchen.”

After Pamela left with Oscar heading upstairs to join Noel, Shari made a face at Wanda, “Fried octopus? That stuff gets nasty if it isn’t fresh out of the frier. I think I’m happy we’re stuck here on the couch.” She glanced at Queenie who had shifted position to sitting next to Wanda on the couch, but she was licking her privates. “Oh, joy. Are we stuck with her for the afternoon?”

“Not if I can help it.” Wanda shoved Queenie to the floor where she resumed her grooming activities.

“Want to place bets on what Rhonda is bringing?”

Shari shook her head. “No. She always brings that box of Rubik’s Cubes.”

Wanda stuck her foot out and rubbed Queenie’s belly, “You’re no fun. Here she comes. Let’s see who was right.”

“Hey guys! Dear Author has you stuck on the couch being boring again, eh? Well, I brought some Rubik’s Cubes to keep you busy.”

Shari exchanged an “I told you so” look with Wanda before saying, “Thank you! Ken and Lynda have karaoke and the lindy hop out back, and Noel has his Dirty Jobs videos upstairs. There’s food and drinks in the kitchen. Make yourself right at home” She prided herself on not adding ‘anywhere but in here with us.’

Queenie jumped up and ran to the door to greet Tessie. All Wanda and Shari could hear was,

“Ulysses! Help. Get her off me.”

“Tess, you know she loves your tortes!”

“Whew. Thanks. I’m just glad there will be some left for everyone else.” Tessie waved to Wanda and Shari on the way to the kitchen.

Ulysses dragged Queenie back into the living room with him. “Hey, you two. I brought you some undergarments. I didn’t know how long you’d been left on the couch.”

Shari reluctantly accepted the ‘gift.’ “Uh, thank you. I think.” She peered into the bag, nothing really disgusting peered back. Ulysses was true to his word, he had brought them basic undergarments.” Shari showed the bag to Wanda, who acknowledged it with a polite, “Thank you.”

“I’ll leave you ladies to your own devices. Let me find another place for this big lug. Come on, Queenie, lets go outside.” He disappeared in the direction of the back yard.

They overheard a commotion in the entry hall, “Oh, just come along. You’ll have fun.”

Wanda and Shari gave each other a questioning look and turned their attention to the entry hall.

Vanessa was there with a man in tow, “Hi, Guys! This is Vincent the Virtuoso.”

Wanda took a chance, “Hi, Vincent. Make yourself at home.” When Vanessa and Vincent disappeared toward the back of the house, she shrugged at Shari. “Please tell me we’re almost done.”

Dutifully, Shari replied, “We’re almost done.”

“The way you said that makes me wonder if you’re just placating me.”

“I’m placating you, but we should almost be done. Here’s Xanadu with her xylophone.”

“Wait a minute,” Wanda said, “Xanadu is a she? I thought it was a dude.”

Shari shook her head, “Nope. She’s a she.”

“Whoa. That means Yolanda is gay.”

“I thought you knew, and Yolanda is bringing her world famous yams. At least we’re going to eat well.”

“Back up a minute. Yolanda and Xanadu are gay?”

“Ummm, yeah. And your point is?”

Wanda shrugged, “Nothing. I just didn’t know.” Her eyes widened, and she reached out to grab Shari’s arm, “Did you realize what Zach’s bringing with him?”

Shari shook her head, “No. A zither?”

“No, but one of them might slither. He’s got a whole shitload of zoo animals.”

Shari pursed her lips, “Hmm. That could be problematic.” Then she shrugged, “Oh well. Not our problem. We’re just sitting here on the couch having coffee.”

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Thank you for visiting for the April A-Z Blogging Challenge. Today’s entry is a work of fiction. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it in comments — what you liked or didn’t like. Each day will be a little different, so if you don’t want to miss an entry, please enter your email address below, press sign-up, then check your inbox to click the validation link to get these blog posts in your inbox.