Week 1 – Definite Major Purpose (DMP)

While waiting for our first webinar session this afternoon, I did my mid-day reading and worked on my Definite Major Purpose. I had just made notes Friday and Saturday. This afternoon, I found some words I was drawn to in the Scroll. Coupled with the notes I already had, I constructed a first draft of my DMP.  One hundred and fifty-one words. We have a four hundred word limit. Not so fast. I have a few areas to address yet, so that will add a few words. I need to had some specifics. And, of course, I don’t have the best choice of words yet, but I am pleased with this beginning.

I believe I’ll get a better feel for what is expected after today’s session. I still have to find the best time and approach for discussing this class with my husband. I’m getting some ideas. I just hope he’s receptive. He surprises me sometimes. And he’s always offended when I doubt him, so that’s something I will get fixed via this course.

Last night’s SIT was a little more challenging. Since I’d been around poison ivy earlier in the day, I took a shower before bed. I must have gotten water in my ears, because while I was sitting there, it felt like some insect had gotten into my ear and was buzzing. I had to clear my ears, and I started over. I finished the second time, but only if I don’t count the two time I peeked at the timer. I will do better. I also found thoughts were not moving through my mind, which did seem to make the time go more slowly.

The course tasks are feeling a little more routine after a couple of days. I expected this to be the case, but it’s encouraging to feel things falling into place.

Week 1 – First Impressions

We have the materials for the first week. Here are my first impressions. As expected, a fire hose effect, but that’s a factor of the newness and the desire to do it right. I’m going to do my best, but some of the honor tasks might not get done right. I’m going to do them one way or another, but it’s going to be strange.

At least blogging is comfortable for me. I was able to SIT last night before bed for the required 15 minutes. I was more still than in my previous meditation attempts, but I read a member’s blog from last year who had some troubles with it because of swallowing? Well, if I have to sit that still, I’m going to have some work to do, but last night was a beginning, and I know there’s much more to this journey.

I’m encountering resistance in the form of technology. My printer is giving me a hard time. All the color cartridges are replaced, but even though the drum has 13% life left, I suspect I will need to replace it, too. I have one. Not a problem. I’ll take care of it next time I go upstairs.

I like the idea of reading Scroll 1 three times a day for 30 days. My initial struggle is going to be reading aloud in the evenings for the next two weeks. We’ll be traveling, and I haven’t told my husband I’m doing this class yet. I see one of the requirements is we discuss this with our family, so I’m going to have to figure out a way to do that. In the past, he’s been quite negative about things similar to this class, but since one reason I’m taking the class is to get my Definite Major Purpose (DMP) right, and he’s part of my DMP, I realize I was silly to think I could do the class and not discuss it with him.

That’s one strong resistance area for me, and that’s a part of my Old Blueprint I’m here to change. See, I’m quite fortunate that many of the reasons other people want this course are not a factor in my life. Money isn’t a problem. Material things are only a problem in that I have too many. I had a comfortable career and was able to retire at 47 — something I never imaged doing in my wildest of dreams until it became closer to reality. My husband and I can and do travel when and where we want. Our homes and vehicles are paid in full.

My relationships with other people are superficial, and I’ve withdrawn from most in person relationships, largely because I retired to a small town where we didn’t know anyone, and all my friends and family are at least 500 miles away. I’m not too concerned about that except where it affects my husband and my parents. Perhaps my siblings. My husband and I have been married 21 years (October 15), and we’ve known one another for 30 years. For the first 14 years of our marriage, we were geographically separated. Learning to live together for the last seven years has been one of the more challenging things I’ve ever done. I don’t think I’ve done a good job. My husband wants to keep me, and I want to keep him, so I need to learn to communicate better with him and be a better wife.

Additionally, I have some health issues that would be improved all the way around if I lost a significant amount of weight — almost half of me.

Finally, I want to write competent fiction to at least self-publish.

The one thing I’ve been passionate about these last five years or so is my cats. I’ve been doing a one person rescue and have eight indoor and four outdoor cats I take care of. I want to expand those passions to my husband, my health, and my fiction.

I’m obsessing a little about the scheduling challenges of Week 2, 3, and 5 for the course due to required travel, but I suspect, as someone says, taking it one day and week at a time, and things will work out.

Blue

One of the checklist items for the Pay It Forward Scholarship was completing the color survey. Many years ago, I embraced the MBTI and am comfortably in the INTJ quadrant. Supposedly less than 1% of people reside there, yet, nearly everyone I associate with falls in or near the INTJ. The Color Code was new to me. I was uncomfortable with the test. Either none of the terms seemed to fit me or the ones that did seemed to conflict with what I’d chosen earlier. How could I be reliable and unreliable at the same time? I struggled with this. The instructions said to go with my gut feel, so I focused on not dwelling too long on any one item.

I came out as a Blue. What did that mean? Here’s what the site says:

Motive [ Intimacy ]

Blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others’ lives.

ABOUT BLUE

Blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). Blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are “sainted pit-bulls” who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

The About Page says this about the colors in general:

About Colors
Red Motive PowerRed are the power wielders. Power: the ability to move from point A to point B and get things done, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of vision and leadership and generally are responsible, decisive, proactive and assertive.
Blue Motive IntimacyBlue are the do-gooders. Intimacy: connecting, creating quality relationships and having purpose, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of quality and service and are generally loyal, sincere, and thoughtful.
White Motive PeaceWhite are the peacekeepers. Peace: the ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners.
Yellow Motive FunYellow are the fun lovers. Fun: the joy of living life in the moment, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of enthusiasm and optimism and are generally charismatic, spontaneous, and sociable.

I think the “do-gooder” comment turned me off at first. There are strong negative connotations with that phrase. Also, the idea of connecting with others. That’s not something I do well. Additionally, the comment about paying close attention to special life events doesn’t seem to fit. I really do not do this. I do agree the Blue description seems to fit me better than any of the other colors. I’m not certain if the pie chart on my results page is indicative of my color break down. I have not paid for access to the advanced analysis, but if I had to guess, I’d guess the smallest piece of the pie is Yellow, and the other two pieces, which are about even, would be the Red and White of my personality.

I bought the book and took the test on paper. I am solidly a Blue (24), and I’m becoming more comfortable with that. My distant secondaries are tied (9 each), Red and White. Yellow comes in a very distant third (3). No wonder I have no idea how to have fun. And apparently my desire for power is offset by my desire for peace. Just kidding on all those — I haven’t read enough about the system to know what the answer really is.

On the List

I’m not sure what to make of this, but my name is on the list. I have mixed emotions. I can safely say now that as late as Saturday night, I had entered in my journal I was not going to apply for this. I maintained now was not the time for me, even though I felt a tug to get right in my head, because I know my issues are not due to lack of knowledge, but they are due to my subconscious mind sabotaging my efforts. It does this for a reason, and I’m looking forward to reprogramming it for more desirable outcomes.

I returned from out of town and had time to listen to the rebroadcast of the Q&A session. While I was listening to that, I became very comfortable with the idea of submitting my Pay-It-Forward Scholarship application. I realized the things that concerned me about Mark J’s conversation were simply his journey. His experiences. While I believe he’s had some background experiences that were similar to my experiences, they are a different journey from mine. They are not incompatible with my journey and may provide some common ground.

I also realized as I listened to another launch from another group I participate in that some similar language was being used, and I reminded myself the Hero’s Journey has an unlimited number of paths, and many, if not all of us, are each on our unique path. Sometimes, the language of that journey overlaps.

I’ve had a very blessed life. I’ve learned to be happy in recent years, but I am not satisfied. This is a very personal journey, and it’s likely to be one of the hardest — and quite possibly, one of the easiest — things I’ve ever done. When I am successful, I believe it will be worth it.