I received an odd piece of mail on Saturday. It closed with, “due to anticipated customer response, I encourage you to call 1-877-XYZ-XYZX or log on at www.xyz.com* to schedule an appointment prior to the expiration of your qualification status on September 30, 2018.” First, I wondered “Why would I want to come to Missouri (return address on the envelope) to buy a vehicle from you? I’m in Central Texas.” Then I saw a word in their logo and toward the end of the letter when they gave their company name that I thought was a town (it was).

I considered calling them, but I realized the only thing I would have to say to them would amount to a critique of their letter. I decided not to call. But maybe someone else can learn from these people’s mistakes. Yes. Mistakes, because there are more than one.

Ultimately, I believe they purchased a mailing list of addresses within at least a 60 mile radius of their business. That’s fine. I get that. They are a small town car dealership, and they depend on pulling in business from out of town. No problem. I’m not sure what other criteria they used.

Here’s where they made one goof. I am not in their stated demographic — “people with a timely payment history on their vehicle.”  They headed their letter “LOAN TERMINATION PROGRAM READ BEFORE MAKING ANOTHER PAYMENT.” I’m going to guess they are assuming everyone has a car payment.

I haven’t had a car payment since last century. I had a brief loan on my 1999 Mercury Mountaineer that I paid off early.  Since that time, I’ve paid cash for 4 vehicles. So, their opening line “According to our records, the timely payment history on your vehicles qualifies you to terminate your loan early.” did not inspire me to want to do business with them (because their “records” are quite faulty).

The envelope had a return address of a PO Box in a small town of Missouri, yet the business appears to be in a small town southwest of Waco, Texas. I’m not exactly sure, because they didn’t provide an address in their letter. It took me several steps to determine if it was a legitimate business (return address different from the probable location based upon the name of the business, and I still had to look up the suspected name of the town on the map to see they were close enough to me to possibly be interested in my business).

An internet search revealed such a business exists. I guess if I call the number for an appointment or set up an appointment on the website, I could get the address. They don’t want me to just drop in. On the other hand, if they are going to ask me to drive at least 60 miles to visit them, I guess they would want to make sure they are there to talk to me. I’m also going to guess since this is a tiny town, driving through on the main drag is likely to reveal their location, so maybe an address isn’t really necessary.

If I were to call them, if we still were having a conversation after I critiqued their letter, I’m quite certain they don’t want to hear that Ford/Lincoln lost my business when they a) took the V-8 out of the SUV line, and b) put the auto engine shutdown “feature” in the F-150 for 2018. I was pretty sure I was going with Toyota, but that sealed the deal.

We had that “feature” in a rental vehicle in Seattle. It’s not confidence-inspiring when you vehicle rolls back on a hill when you’re stopped at a light because you automatic transmission in “D” is not engaged because the engine is shut down because you’re stopped in traffic. (If I’m driving a stick, I know to expect this, and it’s not an issue.)

I suppose they recognize these hazards and know the mailing list they purchase isn’t going to hit their target customer every time. This letter was targeted for a VERY specific audience, and I’m not in that audience. If you’re going to be VERY specific in your sales letter, please make sure you get a VERY well-curated mailing list.

* I edited this from all Xs, because I received a takedown notice from Google when this post autoposted to G+ for posting sexually explicit material. I couldn’t figure out what they were talking about. Then I noticed my x’s, meant to anonymize a url got converted to a URL which must have gone to a real porn site I didn’t anticipate and certainly didn’t intend!