Earlier this month, I saw a paper bag and teared up. Why? Paper bags were Alan’s preferred way to wrap a barn lantern for travel. I no longer have a need to wrap barn lanterns, and that memory caught me in a tough way.

I’m still doing what absolutely needs to be done. For what should be done and what I supposedly want to do, I’m moving like sludge. I’m in an okay place, but joy and happiness continue to elude me most of the time. I realize those are internal things and I am supposed to have control over them, but I’m not finding it.

Jase has been accepted into a double blind study of an anti-aging drug, and he has started the protocol this month. I don’t know if it’s my imagination or not, but he’s even bouncier than usual. He prances across the front yard when I take him outside. He also seems to need or want to go outside more often. He spends a lot of time sniffing.

It has been brought to my attention that I might want to work on adjusting my “bulldog” expression. Thank you, Randy, for taking the photo. Yeah, maybe I don’t need this ALL the time.

I’m beginning to suspect my new reality involves discovering tears running down my face at odd times for no apparent reason at all.  Okay. That’s a strange one, but I guess I’ll deal with it for now.